here goes nothing.

dont even know why im doing this.. i guess there were so many problems, and issues, and so many stuff going on. i dont even know exactly what happened. until now, i still dont understand what the problem actually was, or how it happened.. or when they started happening..

so i guess im just trying to get stuff out in the open now ?
like now, when its a year and some 2 months later?


i know you've moved on. i've moved on too. i've even had new heartbreaks after our 'thing'. hopefully you didnt, or didnt have as much, whatever. looking at some of your MSN pm, i guess you've got new girl/s in your life too. i dont mind. i've moved on too, remember?

and on that last email, where you apologised to me. and i replyed kinda, ahm, meanly. and rude. and swearing. etc. i still dont know to this day if you meant the stuff you wrote there or not. if you did, then i'm really sorry for not believing you. if you didnt, then my email response was perfect for an asshole like you. (LOL) ahm anyway..

if you did meant that last email.. and you got the reply.. you must've been really hurt. then i'm sorry. really really really sorry, i really mean it and i guess i cant do anything about it now, but sorry for hurting you. but you must know why i had a hard time believing it- - remember all our fights because i kept lying to you ? and in the end, you were the one who did the MEGA LIE ? i mean, honestly, after telling me that everything you did didnt mean shit, how was i suppose to believe anything else? how was i to know that on this last email, you werent fully bullshitting as well?

so i didnt believe you, obviously. and replyed with that really rude email. again, im sorry.

i just have some more stuff to say to you, lol. im sorry if you didnt want all this stuff open to the public. but i dont think you care anyway. so.


thing is, maybe some people would think what we had was nothing at all. but you took my first 'i love you' and even though maybe you didnt mean it, you still said it. and i believed it AT THE TIME. sorry im so gullible / naive. so your the first guy ever who said those words, and put meaning behind it. or so i thought. and you also took away MY first i love you.

did i mean it ? honestly, i dont know. i still dont know what love is. its a funny word. and you kinda pressured me into saying it, remember ? maybe i wasnt ready. WHO KNOWS. but just saying, our 'thing' was pretty fun and cute and sweet etc while it lasted, and even though it probably never meant anything to you, i loved it (:


im sorry we didnt work out. maybe it wasnt meant to be. maybe the whole thing was just a HA HA HA HA experience for you.

have a nice life.
xx