PLEASE, JUST TAKE ME FAR, FAR AWAY.

i am so beyond sick of being told what to do.
i'm sick of hurrying around everywhere.
i'm sick of being told what i can and can't do.
i'm sick of leaving a place when im mega not ready to leave it yet. or not even close to wanting to go home, but i have to go home anyway.


i've decided to go to AUT next year. get away from this place. live by myself. i can handle it. probably wont be as good as living here, cuz i dont have to worry about food etc, but at least i'll have more freedom and do whatever i want. go wherever i want. go home when i want to.

how can i learn how to live if im never allowed to have a life.
she'll probably say no. be angry. there'll be another argument. BUT ITS FINE. it will be the last argument in a very long time. that's where im going, that's where my future is. she's been saying lately how if i dont like the way she runs this house, i should get out. you know what? maybe i will.

oh wait. i already am.

and another one, im especially mega sick of being growled at when there's no valid reason. when its not even my fault. its okay to advise me what to do with the money i earn. but its not okay to have a mega rage cuz i bought a freaking coke. but its okay, next year you can chill. i wont be here. i'll be up in AUT, living the way i want, doing what i want, eating what i want whenever, staying in town until i'm sick of it, without worrying about "shit, its already 6.05, if i dont go home now i'm gonna be fucked". no more of those.

dont try to blame josh into it. its not him. he just made me more confident, to speak out more, cuz usually i keep it in. you see this change as being his fault. its not, actually. any other guy/friend i hang out lots with, its all the same. nothing you do can make me think him over (: im already hooked. and yes, if i can, i will marry him.

on a lighter note.
parabola got effed today. she studied until like 3 for Calc test, and she got A.
i didnt even touch the book the whole year. and i also got A.
storming out of the class, then crying out in the quad.
OHGOD, how epic it was.
and that was only a practise test. i wonder what'll happen if it was an internal?
should be interesting.