cheaters should go die.


no, thankfully, mr josh hasn't cheated on me. but shoji, this character in this popular japanese manga nana, did. and as i was reading it in bed alone last night, reading about him cheating on nana with some other bitch, i felt my anger rising and it was... surprising.

of course, everyone knows that cheating is bad. (hopefully). and even if you haven't been cheated on before, i bet it's not hard to imagine how much it will hurt if you do. and then i thought about it so much, and imagining what would happen if josh cheated on me, that it even went into my dream. i had some 6 restless hours of sleep with a nightmare, and it was about josh cheating on me with celine. (AHA.) and i woke up feeling mega depressed, which was not fun because i had to go to work and be cheerful and happy as a fronter of an ice cream shop.

the surprising part was, in the book... shoji had nana as his girlfriend, but at his workplace/uni he met this other girl who was totally his type, sachiko. they got close and she obviously liked him, but shoji never told her about nana. then one time when they were together, nana called, and sachiko found out. so she started crying, feeling sad and also guilty, and tried to run away. but shoji grabbed her and hugged her, and one thing led to one another and they... hooked up. but i wasn't that surprised or hurt. what hurt me the most was a few pages afterwards.. when shoji was just chilling at sachiko's apartment, playing around with her and holding her. it made me feel sick. and then i had a serious talk about cheaters with my flatmate.

we found out the reason why i felt that way. boys will be boys, and they'll always have these urges to go hump something. so if shoji had just slept with sachiko and then that's it, it wont be as bad. but he actually spent time with her and liked her, and so it's really sad. i'm sure i don't make sense to most of you, but me and my flatmate agreed on this. it's so much sadder when you find out your boy/girlfriend actually is in love with someone else, instead of just hooking up with some other person. you might think, initially, them having sex with someone else is the worst thing they can do, but it's not. when you think about it, it hurts so much more if they didn't hook up, but actually fell in love with someone else, because you know then that it's real. its not just some physical lust thing taking over, but it's their heart belonging to someone else now.


haha, look at me. going on and on about this so passionately when i haven't even experienced it yet. i'm kinda curious as to what would happen if i get cheated on... hmmm.

well, i guess i still love getting new skins and changing the template around. there's this undescribable satisfying feeling i get whenever i change skins and i customize a few things around to be exactly what i want, and then i check my blog and it looks exactly the way i want it to. god, i didn't even make sense just then.

fun day at work today - lovely smiley got each of us an easter bunny nose complete with the fluffy ears. i shall miss him when he's gone. and i hope the new guy sticks around, he had a bad day today ): but i got a free milkshake. hee-haa.

and also the apartment manager put a cadbury easter bunny in each of our mailboxes. I LOVE THIS FREE CHOCOLATE DAY. and i'm also excited because mr josh is coming back in 2 days and his sister will be staying with us for a week. and i'm planning to go shopping with her on tuesday. excited? yes.

moving up here has had some of its scary moments, but is it worth it? again, yes.


oh, forgot something that happened yesterday. i was just at my work, scooping gelato into cups when suddenly the power went out. freaky stuff. worse, the display freezers the ice creams were on died as well so we had to do some emergency move-gelatos-to-back-freezer. also customers could only pay with cash for awhile. and then we closed. since it was only 8 me and vanessa decided to have a little thai food in some dodgy foodcourt. $10 marinated spicy beef on a hot plate? yes.



x

well, josh went back to hamilton on wednesday morning and staying there until monday. he had some family stuff to do, and meeting up with the ham boys and etc. so now i'm just living with ye eun, and i miss him already ):


and last night when i was lying in bed alone, i got a text from him. and it made me smile stupidly and nearly cry as well ;

Babyy:) i love you..:) i was sitting on the couch today at home and felt like something was missing in my arm.. Just like how i feel right now with you not even beside me in bed. Miss you babyy:)

wonderful, wonderful man.

i love you so much babyy. miss you (:
xxx

ahh, the most talked-about topic by bloggers. love, what it is, describing the symptoms of one falling into one, or trying to help others fall out of. i haven't blogged about anything at all lately. and i can use the 'i am always busy with shitloads of stuff to do' but, when you think about it, it only takes less than 20 minutes to blog normal length-blogs and to be honest, i have about a million spare 20 minutes everyday. i just use it for something else.

like watching family guy. because my new internet is awesome, i've downloaded all the seasons 6 to present. watching them over and over again, making josh wanna die, but they still make me laugh, so yeah. watching season 6 soon, so excited (: though i am alone at the moment and it's kinda creepy. i don't like being alone. i will never ever live alone in a house, ever. if i have to, then i'd get a dog and a cat. for company. at least they'll make some noise. although my cat used to do crazy shit during the night, making weird noises, and freaked me out even more. anyway.


because i have no life and still couldn't be bothered blogging, i watched a really old re-run of The Bachelorette yesterday. it was all about how she has to choose which guys to send home, and which guys impressed her, etc. i personally think this show is a joke, because if you really want to find love, you don't select a random group of normal-to-hot-looking guys to choose from. and, even more magically, that whole group of guys is madly in love with you and want to marry you. honestly, that doesn't happen in real life. guys fighting with each other and going through all these eliminations all in the hope of marrying one same girl?

anyway. so she was on a one-on-one date with one of the guy, and she was all like, 'i wanted to see if this date can tell me if i can love him or not.' and so they went on the date, and in the end of it, he got eliminated, because 'i can't see myself falling in love with him, there's no connection at all, no possible physical/emotional attraction other than just being friends.' and then i laughed. i laughed because she sounded just like me nearly 2 years ago.


back in june/july/august of 2009, when i had some confusing shit with another guy, and so on and so forth, the typical story for a teenage girl trying to be noticed by that guy she's already in love with. i don't want to bring these up again now because they are nothing more than a memory, but it had something to do with the 'i don't see myself falling in love with him' quote. see, i pretty much said the exact same thing about my current boyfriend. he was my bestfriend that time, and i pretty much treated him like one of the girls, to his dismay, but we were great as friends and i told him everything, and we hung out, and then all those shits with the other guy happened, and then my girl bestfriend suggested why don't i try it with that guy, and that's when i said it. 'he's my bestfriend. i like him a lot, but not in that way. i just cant see me feeling that way about him.'

well, turns out i was way wrong. some more shits happened with some other people, and i ended up realising that i had a bit of a crush on him, and so we tried it out. and now, 1 year 7 months and 19 days later, still going strong. i am truly madly in love with him and i love him so much, he makes me happy. i guess all i want to say is you don't know anything. especially with feelings, you don't control that shit at all. even if you're a genius with a massively high IQ, it still doesn't affect how you feel about a certain person, and how that feeling can change over time. i can easily say 'i love him forever, i'll be with him forever' but i already know its not set in stone. yes, i HOPE i can be with him forever. yes, at the moment i'm very happy with him and planning to love him until the foreseeable future. but no, i dont know who i'm gonna meet later in life that might change my feelings. its sad to think that a relationship can't have a definite ending, but i guess thats life. if you already know how your life's gonna end, then there's no point living it.


rah, rah rahhh.
i love you, joshua r lawson. mwahhh xx