ahh, the most talked-about topic by bloggers. love, what it is, describing the symptoms of one falling into one, or trying to help others fall out of. i haven't blogged about anything at all lately. and i can use the 'i am always busy with shitloads of stuff to do' but, when you think about it, it only takes less than 20 minutes to blog normal length-blogs and to be honest, i have about a million spare 20 minutes everyday. i just use it for something else.

like watching family guy. because my new internet is awesome, i've downloaded all the seasons 6 to present. watching them over and over again, making josh wanna die, but they still make me laugh, so yeah. watching season 6 soon, so excited (: though i am alone at the moment and it's kinda creepy. i don't like being alone. i will never ever live alone in a house, ever. if i have to, then i'd get a dog and a cat. for company. at least they'll make some noise. although my cat used to do crazy shit during the night, making weird noises, and freaked me out even more. anyway.


because i have no life and still couldn't be bothered blogging, i watched a really old re-run of The Bachelorette yesterday. it was all about how she has to choose which guys to send home, and which guys impressed her, etc. i personally think this show is a joke, because if you really want to find love, you don't select a random group of normal-to-hot-looking guys to choose from. and, even more magically, that whole group of guys is madly in love with you and want to marry you. honestly, that doesn't happen in real life. guys fighting with each other and going through all these eliminations all in the hope of marrying one same girl?

anyway. so she was on a one-on-one date with one of the guy, and she was all like, 'i wanted to see if this date can tell me if i can love him or not.' and so they went on the date, and in the end of it, he got eliminated, because 'i can't see myself falling in love with him, there's no connection at all, no possible physical/emotional attraction other than just being friends.' and then i laughed. i laughed because she sounded just like me nearly 2 years ago.


back in june/july/august of 2009, when i had some confusing shit with another guy, and so on and so forth, the typical story for a teenage girl trying to be noticed by that guy she's already in love with. i don't want to bring these up again now because they are nothing more than a memory, but it had something to do with the 'i don't see myself falling in love with him' quote. see, i pretty much said the exact same thing about my current boyfriend. he was my bestfriend that time, and i pretty much treated him like one of the girls, to his dismay, but we were great as friends and i told him everything, and we hung out, and then all those shits with the other guy happened, and then my girl bestfriend suggested why don't i try it with that guy, and that's when i said it. 'he's my bestfriend. i like him a lot, but not in that way. i just cant see me feeling that way about him.'

well, turns out i was way wrong. some more shits happened with some other people, and i ended up realising that i had a bit of a crush on him, and so we tried it out. and now, 1 year 7 months and 19 days later, still going strong. i am truly madly in love with him and i love him so much, he makes me happy. i guess all i want to say is you don't know anything. especially with feelings, you don't control that shit at all. even if you're a genius with a massively high IQ, it still doesn't affect how you feel about a certain person, and how that feeling can change over time. i can easily say 'i love him forever, i'll be with him forever' but i already know its not set in stone. yes, i HOPE i can be with him forever. yes, at the moment i'm very happy with him and planning to love him until the foreseeable future. but no, i dont know who i'm gonna meet later in life that might change my feelings. its sad to think that a relationship can't have a definite ending, but i guess thats life. if you already know how your life's gonna end, then there's no point living it.


rah, rah rahhh.
i love you, joshua r lawson. mwahhh xx